I’ve been thinking of some analogies for that common rape case trope that the victim had previous sexual experience (e.g. “she wasn’t a virgin anyway” and “she liked it before”) hence she must have been asking for it. Here they are: “But you had sex with one woman once, so why wouldn’t you have sex with your mother?”; “you enjoyed apple pie last week, so why wouldn’t you enjoy it when it’s force-fed to you and covered with spikes?”; “you told me once in passing that green was a nice color, so of course you must want to undergo a special surgery that adjusts your eyesight to see ONLY GREEN ALL THE TIME.”
By this logic, if a person ever expresses (or is presumed to feel) desire for anything in any context (i.e. sex with someone pleasant in a pleasant situation in which one is a pleasantly treated party), one must de facto desire it IN ALL CONTEXTS. ALL THE TIME. Had sex with your lover last year? Then, ipso facto, you must want to have sex with every sleazy, slobbering sex offender who ever lived, in front of your family, nonstop, for the next ten years. Play a fun game of Go Fish at one point in your life? Then CLEARLY you must be so obsessed with card games you want to participate in an international card-playing championship and it’s all you think about all the time, you card slut, you.
Obviously, this is not about experience but the bigoted belief that any sexual experience experienced by a woman automatically discredits her because Sex for Women is Bad which must leave heterosexual men in such an unpleasant place, right? Desiring what you hate. YUCK. In this classic, misogynistic view, woman are valued only for their “purity,” not for their minds, thoughts, feelings, favorite foods, favorite books, favorite sexual positions and the surely interesting reasoning behind those selected favorites. One way I think about all this is by wondering: What is my ultimate goal as a person? Are my goals fundamentally different from anyone else’s? Assuming that no, most of us want to be happy and act in accordance with our beliefs, we really cut off our ability to be ourselves by limiting other people’s ability to be themselves if we immediately stop caring and start freaking out at the emergence of the topic SEX and anything that hints of sex, and sex had by a woman is BAD, BAD, BAD. Ooh, naughty, naughty girl, you make me so—no! Sex is bad! Jesus/Allah/other stuff told me so! My feelings upset me so I will blame them on YOU, woman!
I will now refer to Silent Bob’s wise, kind words in Chasing Amy. Wow, Kevin Smith is cool.
And So! In conclusion! Let’s not be mean! Let’s not use any weird, prejudiced excuse to punish any one group for being human. In the specific case of sexism, let’s just clear this all up right now: Sex is so many things! Sex can be wonderful and sweet! Or not! Why are we so afraid and threatened by autonomous female sexuality (that might want to sexually involve itself with YOU! And you and you! Or maybe not, but either way, another person’s predilections, past, current and future explorations are interesting, worth discussing an considering but not anyone else’s to DICTATE and CONFINE) that we censor it and scapegoat it? Such sensationalism! We’re just people, man.
OK, now that that’s all cleared up, let’s some of us have sex and some of us read books and some of us make apple pie, do math problems, play with our pets–whatever brings us happiness–and stop being assholes.See: snippets from Thomas Macaulay Millar’s “Toward a Performance Model of Sex” Little kitty wants to be free! You too can be free! Stop blaming kitty for your lack of freedom and run with kitty!