Posts Tagged ‘fear’

You know how some people chase tornadoes? I CHASE SPARKS. It’s less about sex than fantasy than unfulfilled need than need as overdetermined as sex as fantasy, as, as, as. This kind of flirtation profits off numbers, the spectre of an audience, the spectre of myself as strong, not scared/owning fear/being fear. I am the scared girl, hence I am not scared and now I want to play! fortified by the hopeful stability within me and tension around me. Tightrope flirtation! back-and-forth who’s-it-gonna-be flirtation! I whip it up when it’s not there, fan it when it is creating a big frothy lustshake out of the tiniest seeds of a promised something-or-nothing. Tension: I tend to it (but it needs a release, too much and it just starts to ache).

Congregation: Amen!

* n. A short sentence spoken or chanted by a priest and followed by a response from the congregation.


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“Through their seeking and then pushing off, ambivalently attached children are saying, “I need your presence, comfort and reassurance, but I do not trust you. Some of the time you present me with a security-giving response, and some of the time you are too distracted, angry, depressed, or frightened and that makes me insecure, fearful and angry.” These children are intensely desirous of reactivating the good experiences with the responsive mother and any moments of loving exchange with her, but they are also wary of which mother may be present. They can be wooed into a loving exchange, but their wariness and anger add a hate side to their loving. Avoidantly attached children’s potential for loving exchanges is severely compromised by their desperate strategy to protectively not expose their desire for comfort and reassurance, their anger at the actual and anticipated rejection, and often their overt displays of protest as well. This strategy follows the principle that if the child does not actively seek or even know he or she desires a loving response, the child will not be exposed to an indifferent response or be angrily pushed away. The child can then retain the fantasy and unconscious belief that he or she is loved.”

-Joseph D. Lichtenberg!


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